Anxiety... that pesky little A word, that actually is that total B word. Its gripping, sometimes unexplainable, and a total pain in my other A word. I feel like so many times it's a hidden illness, buts its very very out in the opening of my world. A counselor told me years ago to let it be free. Bottling it all up will make it erupt heavier. So here's a little part of me, letting it be free. Also a few products that help me along the way.
Through my life I've suffered loss. As a teenager, just reaching the tender years of junior high was my first great loss. My first serious love took his own life after a night of teenage experimenting with heavy drinking. That year was surrounded with so many firsts for all of us. New school, new friends, new hormones, and new pressures. It really was all just a whirlwind. It was tricky to manage all that as a 14 year old. I really didn't even have any idea what I was doing.
An aunt passed away too young, another friend out of college was killed in a car accident, then i had some time to heal. I had found the love of my life, and things were really coming around and settling in. The big unraveling was when my soon to be husband learned of a friend tragically over dosing. My Grandmother and then my Grandfather both passed as well. Everything came rushing up to the surface. All in one night, I remember how it felt to loose all those loved ones so quickly. My mind went to a place of total fear. Fear that I was going to lose everyone else.
I had totally lost myself and all my other relationships suffered. I turned into someone that I didn't know. I didn't have control of anything. Especially my focus on healing. I really don't even think I knew what was happening. Most of the times I just thought that I was dying from some mystery disease. My husband would often say, "get a grip". To those with anxiety, you now how pissed off that makes you. But, life with me was complicated.
Fast forward from 2008-2013. That was a long long time to live without a grip. We have moved to Colorado. Home of hippies, natural foods, and holistic everything. I thought this was a good time to get the grip happening. I visited my first naturopath. She was like, girl... get off that birth control and life will get good. Two days later... after not sleeping from the hormones flushing a crazy proportions out of my body, the cloud lifted. Like, literally. I think the colors were brighter, I couldn't hear my heart beating in my ears, I felt EVERYTHING that was happening inside of my body. I had it. I had the grip back. I cleaned out my body, I finally dropped those 20 pounds that I had been holding onto, and we could think ahead in our lives. I know that I definitely did a lot of self meditating when we moved away from all family and friends. I had not much else to do, to be honest. But giving up birth control just unlocked my brain.
Sleepy time tea. Every night. Recharge. Renew.
Standard process- Min Tran... for when that A word creeps back in.
Finally my body and head were clean enough to grow a baby. Few little obstacles and here we are. There's so much more to this story... but I encourage you to share your story now. Leave a comment about something you want to work on. Something you've been wanting to share. I will chat along back with you. Sharing brings it back up, in order to heal it deeper, or to help someone else heal with you.
My light at the end of the tunnel is this sweet little giggly girl. I have to stay ahead of it all. Just for her.
Photos by Baby Rose Photography